Let's face it, lots of us get left behind in the break-neck pace of modern life. As we envision the world of the 'rich and famous,' sometimes we feel we just don't measure up. If that's you, then buy my new book, "From Masturbator to Successful Spammer." It's 29.95 wherever questionable how-to books are sold.

It documents the journey of your typical putz who really isn't good at anything except playing with his putz. A failure with women, a wash-out at McDonalds, a loser who only goes to the gym to look at other men.

One day while cleaning the spoo off of his seventh new keyboard (during that month), an idea strikes him. Yeah, he's a screw up, but only the people that know him realize that. And let's face it, he spends so much time 'pleasuring himself' in front of a computer he might as well sell worthless junk on the internet!

The dexterity he has acquited after decades of touching himself in his mom's basement might have made him a pariah to the world, but he can type like the wind. Using that power adapted from changing hands without missing a stroke, he begins to make entries on websites he knows nothing about. Instead of jerking himself, he hopes to jerk the public.

Will he succeed, or wind up sucking his own seed? Buy my book, and find out if he makes it from jerkin' his gherkin to workin'...

What is your pay pal info! Here is my $29.95! Can't wait to find out what happens. Next installment please.

I actually just laughed out loud

$29.95 isn't enough, you should charge more if it is as clever and funny as the inside cover....

Well, guys, this is actually a documentary. I'll work on Chapter II if the clown ever comes back.

My hope is that he's going for that magic 20th post. However, I intend to ride him like a rented mule before, during and after his tenure here. If we can find out his ISP we should post it over at some man/boy love forum and let those perverts spam his computer...