As you guys know, this past few weeks has been a bit tense around here. And most problematic is the fact that I cannot solve these problems with the end of a pool cue, a sharp stiletto and a bad attitude. I have to be civil and patient...*yikes*

That's finally over. My wife has already met with her revenue officers at her job and chosen her financial plan for retirement, she is scheduling her exit interview and submitting her formal resignation today.

In a parallel move, I have sorted out the knife inventory, shipped out all of the collector boxes, contacted a broker in Tennessee for the high-end stuff, and scheduled a meeting locally with my best client to move the high-end practical stuff. The guns went earlier this year.

For me, the bikes are customized, tuned and on the chargers, the rugs are vacuumed, the laundry has been sorted, a sinkful of dishes are now soaking and I even sharpened the personal knife I intend to carry today as an EDC. Other than washing the crappy jeans I intend to wear today, I can confidently and peacefully release that calm exhaling breath.

My wife and I have totally retired.

Now, I'm sure some of you have just smirked, "Well, Chico, you're now a hopeless, idle, self-absorbed saddle tramp, uncaring about the world in general, a slightly less prickly armed xenophobe with a sneer, little concern for the survival of the public and astride an over active chromed fire-breathing Harley and sleeping with a tall blonde...in other words you are once again nineteen years old!"

LOL, and you would be right! I unabashedly walk confidently to The Group W Bench and flip the world a giant 'bird.' I no longer have to pretend there are any remaining vestiages of that compromising Armani draped credit manager and his epithet devoid polished discourse. I can be the man I was was honestly hatched, and bred to live. And to the world of six billion squalling flotsam, you can think what you want about me, but if you like your tendons without deft slices you'd better learn to keep those insults to yourself.

To you younger guys with decades of labor ahead of you, you have no idea how joyous this feels.

Big congrats to both of you! Enjoy yourselves immensely....

Oh, we will. And that sinkful of dishes is now washed...

An interesting incident happened today that might help folks see how most of us think.

I used to work for a company that ultimately went under. Many of the best employees wore buttons marked "FLOP." That's an acronym for 'finish like a pro.' Imagine two guys. One is a dedicated firefighter on his last day at his last fire saving lives, the other clown is Brett Favre. The work you do in your last hours matters very deeply.

My wife got up this morning very early. She has a meeting to determine the future special services of a child. However, she no longer has any committee chair, no longer must implement any of those services next year as teacher, nor does her true involvement mean anything than warming that chair. She went because she has always gone. She once sat in a hospital room with a student recovering from cleft palate surgery because his own parents weren't there.

The circumstances surrounding my wife are dismal, abusive and illegal at times. After seven repetitive telephone calls from her principal one weekend I called the clown back reminded him that I loved my wife and that I was "not a kind man." How many of you have to go to such extremes as part of your daily job duties?

I have warned my wife that this transition phase of employment brings sorrow. She claims she is prepared, but she really is a babe in the woods. It will be months before she sleeps late, stays in her pajamas and her hardest decision will be what kind of pancakes to make.

I think our present manner of employment is an abomination. No more examples of 25 years and a gold watch. Now you get derision and a cheap knife in the back.

Congrats on the dual retirement, yuo won! Now lets think about where would be the best place to relocate to thats not Florida and has a good economy and good weather. If you're interested I have found what I consider the perfect place but I don't want to post it. If you're interested email or ring me up and I'll tell you but don't tell no one else.

By all means, call me later. I have a Geek coming for my lap-top and then Jeopardy.

Might sound funny, but I'm the one firmly entrenched in retirement already...