Yesterday I spoke with a client who lives and dies by the soap opera that has become the knife sharpening forum idiocy. He is a moderator on several of these forums, which are owned collectively by some of the same corporations and individuals. I routinely get telephone calls from him about "things going to hell." Frankly, I think he's addicted to the computer.

I expressed a similar displeasure. For example, I do not care for 'blow in' subscription cards in biker magazines. I do care for advertising before a movie starts in a theater. I'm not even that crazy about 'naming rights' for athletic venues, like The Staples Center or Miller Park.

Simply, I buy a ticket for a specific event. I am a captive audience for any idiot that wastes my time until the service I have already paid for is finally delivered, to me, the client.

I feel that way about forums. Ultimately a forum is to sell products. There was a time where forums were truly hobbyist places to gather, an extension of what we now view as social networking. Fine. Bills have to be paid. That is not permission to tacitly bore me out of my skull with gibberish unless I request it. Yesterday I got spam on my cell phone.

I hate spam. I hate banner advertisers who control my forum discourse. I hate hawking products within the body of the forum. Last week West Coast had about a dozen theads initiated by Easyriders. If I want to see pictures of naked chicks I'll buy a Playboy magazine--or just drop the firewalls on my lap-top and have the porn delivered for free.

However, there are millions of dollars on the table. A few years ago I was discussing this very thing with a national knife distributor who switched from sending out printed mailers to his clients and went with what he called a "dump." With the touch of a button, he sent out advertising using his computer to 5K to 10K people at an instant. That was then, now with cookies, robo-sorting and selective 'dumps' he's getting better at it.

I expressed my disdain for this practice, and wondered if it ticked people off. He responded, "Well, Chico, after I made my first million..."

Advertising belongs in the margins of forums. KF was ruled by heavy-hitter advertisers, and members got banned because one particular banner advertiser simply thought a member could be possible competition. I sharpen locally only where this clown doesn't even apply his trade. I found out that he was gunning for me because my little company might get a 'national presence.' Everyone has a story on these parasites.

Money and forums do not mix. They ruin discussion. They subtlely chill topics and opinions. If a guy sells chrome then he will lean on the admin if the topic turns to using toxic chemicals in electroplating. If the guy treats his client shabbily and needs numerous phone call to deliver products, a thread on that issue will be struck. It's bad for business, and forums like that are just shills for spammers in tuxedos.

Duh, I'm a biker. If after 40 years throwing a leg o'er I do not know where to buy tires, chrome fasteners, magazines with naked biker chicks and notice of poser motorcycle rallies, I'm also probably too stupid to buy discount cyber crap. I do not tolerate idiots in saloons. I do not see a dime's worth of difference when the same clown turns up on my computer.

That's a good question, and I'd like to give you a sincere response here in public.

I do try to be polite, but I do not let it water down the content of my discourse. As long as I am a full member here I will speak my mind. This follows the way I gerrymand my life among idiots. I am old school, and that means I expect bike clubs to have brothers, real men to speak their minds and an immediate response to danger by running toward it, not away.

Current bike forums are crap. That's why I'm here at HRF. Granted, it's not my 'home forum,' that would be a forum for professional sharpeners that only grants membership by invitation. I believe that's probably the coming idea for forums, it cuts down on the riff-raff and spammers.

To apply that to the singular aspect of your concerns, I don't care what the admin and moderators here think. I expect them to care what I think. If they open the door to this private party, and invite me in, that means that I come dressed as I am. Yikes, I was socialized in bike clubs as a teenager, just how do you expect me to act?

As for risking a ban by the admin and moderaters here, I can only relate to them the sound, logical and poignant advice of my mentor and ace crime fighter, Super Chicken:

"Friend, if you're afraid you'll have to overlook it, besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it."

They wanted a bike forum, ergo, they were going to get bikers. As such as I will keep offering my unvarnished opinion until they come to my hometown, rip me off my motorcycle and close my mouth. If my eighty-plus year old Aunt Clara can do that, then so should they...

Several days have gone by since I first started this thread. I'm sure many of you did not see my point. As you'll remember, I mentioned West Coast as a prime example.

I've been checking in on that forum for a few days, and when you hit "new posts" only one shows up. In fact, the random pictures that appear at the top of the forum have been showing the same biker chicks for almost six months.

Granted, that might not seem like a big deal. But when you cannot get several hundred bikers to yak their heads off with opinions or go look for pretty girls, it's not a forum, it's a rest home.

If you're like me, you probably have diverse interests and are members of a few other forums. We all know about BI63's love of collecting vintage Barbie dolls and samba dancing. Now get this, over the past month there has been more traffic on my knife sharpening forum (with a membership of less than a dozen polishers) than there has been on the entire West Coast forum.

Yeah, you can smear the entire forum with banner advertisers, but if you have no members or floor traffic all you have is stagnant air being forcibly pumped through a vacant iron lung.